Mens Ministry

Too often we ask men to conform to our Christian men’s sub-culture as a show of spirituality. “Use these buzzwords.” “Pray with this posture.”  When this happens we often end up asking men to be religious at the expense of being spiritually transformed.

Or, we ask them to perform certain activities to show their commitment to God.  “If you love God you will be in church on Wednesday night.”  One man readily responds to calls for “performance” Christianity because that’s the nature of his relationship with his own dad.  His dad has always made love conditional upon his son’s performance.

It’s ironic.  The more we try to influence behavior, the less real lasting change we see.  Such an approach will simply burden men down and wear them out.

When men come to a prayer breakfast, conference, Bible study, or church, they come because they have an unmet need—a void to be filled.  They come looking for a piece of bread they can drag away that will nourish their souls.  They come thirsty for living water (John 4:10; John 7:38).

Rather than showing men a list of “do’s” and “don’ts” we must show them Christ.  Our job is not to fix their behavior.  Our job is to make Christ ever more attractive so that He can do His life-transforming work in them.  God’s grace changes men, not some effort on their part to be good enough.

When we help men connect with Jesus, He works the change in behavior from the inside out.  He changes the desires of the man.  We can only give a man a new rule book; Jesus will give him a new heart.

Men Who Need Christ

Nowhere is this external focus more damaging than with men who need Christ. A man who has built up regular participation in one of your more accessible activities—like basketball or the softball team—is easily pushed away by someone telling him he’s not behaving correctly.

It is sometimes difficult for leaders to understand how to apply a “Sustain step” to men early in their spiritual journey. After all, you can’t really expect a man whose only experience with your church is participating in a sports outreach ministry to sign up for a 24-week small group.

Sustaining change in a man who is just becoming aware of his need for Christ is much more about keeping “captured ground” than leapfrogging him to daily devotions and an accountability group.

Sustaining momentum for men at this stage may take place with opportunities very similar to the capture step that got him involved in the first place. Remember, the key is relationships. Consider the softball team as an example:

One of your leaders, “Sam” has a neighbor named “Pete.” After trading several favors, loaning each other tools and watching a playoff game together, Sam mentions he is on the church softball team. When Pete expresses interest, Sam invites him.

The season goes great. Everyone has a lot of fun on the team. No one takes it too seriously, though they all enjoy winning. Pete gets to know a few guys on the team. At the end of the season, they have a BBQ to celebrate, and the pastor comes to thank the guys for playing and representing the church with good sportsmanship.

The “Create value” step was the invitation to join the softball team. The “Capture momentum” step was the BBQ at the end of the year. Now what?

First, has Pete really progressed in his spiritual journey? Certainly! For ten weeks running, he has spent an evening with a group of mostly Christian guys. They say a quick prayer before and after the game. Pete has begun to see that these guys are “normal.” And there are some guys who have earned his respect.

Now you must find a way for Pete to maintain the relationships that he has begun to build. It may be another season of softball or a weekly businessmen’s luncheon that some of the guys go to. As these relationships begin to grow, Pete will have more opportunities to see Christ in these men’s lives.

Help Men Develop a Love for God’s Word

Disciples are “pupils.”  They are students of Jesus.  They are men who desire to become more like Christ.  To become like Him, they must first know Him.

We can say with confidence that we have never known a man whose life has changed in any significant way apart from the regular study of God’s Word.

Some groups study Christian books (like those offered by Man in the Mirror, for which we are grateful), but book studies, fellowship groups, and prayer partner groups are no substitute for bringing men into direct contact with the living Lord through His living Word.

All men are affected by God’s Word when they are exposed to it regularly. Have you noticed that when you are consistently in the Bible you begin to understand it better? Your desire for the scriptures grows the more you interact with them. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. When a man is not in the scriptures very often, his desire for them doesn’t have a chance to grow.

Sustain by Creating a Culture of Prayer

Bill, a man whose wife had just died of cancer, was talking with Stan, whose friend was sick with leukemia.  Stan said, “He’s very sick.  I guess the only thing we can do is pray.”

Bill looked into Stan’s face and said, “No, the thing we can do is pray.”

We can’t do anything without God’s blessing, but we can do all things when we tap into the purpose of His will.  Prayer is God’s designated way to release His will in men’s lives.  Prayer is the currency of our personal relationship with Jesus.  It will do us no good to leave it on account.  We must take some out and spend it on men’s souls.  Prayer is the thing we can do.

Ensure that prayer is a part of everything you do for the men of your church. Train your leaders to integrate prayer into every activity. No man participating in an activity related to the church is going to be surprised by the inclusion of prayer during the event.

Your leadership team ought also to be built on a foundation of prayer. But don’t merely ask God to become a part of what you want to do in your church and city. Instead, pray that you will become a part of what God is doing in your church and community.

Reposted with permission from Man In the Mirror. For more information about ministry founder Patrick Morley or for resourcing your ministry to men check out maninthemirror.org.

These statistics serve as a powerful reminder of how critical the role of the father is in the home. – Larry Hyche

Father’s Day has come and gone, and sadly so too has the concept of fatherhood in many parts of Alabama.

Nearly half of all babies born here are to unmarried women, according to the latest information from the Alabama Department of Public Health.

This is a crisis.

It is a crisis that researchers have shown significantly contributes to nearly every challenge facing our state – education, health, addiction, crime, and economic mobility to name just a few.

While dad-deprived homes cause problems for both sexes, it has a particularly damaging impact on young men.

“The boy crisis resides where dads do not reside,” said Warren Farrell, author of “The Boy Crisis” during a recent episode of the 1819 podcast.

While single mothers are making heroic efforts in Alabama, Ferrell said that young men growing up without a father in the house face enormous odds. Boys in this situation, he said, stand a greater chance than their female counterparts of doing poorly in school, being overweight, being both the bully and the bullied, of going to prison, and becoming addicted to drugs, pornography, and video games.

A father’s natural way of parenting, Ferrell explained, adds something that boys critically need and do very poorly without.

“While boys who are motivated can become many of society’s most constructive forces … boys whose energies are poorly channeled can become society’s most destructive forces,” he wrote.

The research indicates this is a slow-moving train wreck that doesn’t show any signs of stopping. In 2005, the Alabama Department of Public Health found that a little more than 35 percent of babies were born to unmarried mothers. By 2017, and despite a statewide initiative and many programs aimed at improving fatherhood across the state, that number had skyrocketed to more than 47 percent.

The research cited in Farrell’s book is alarming:

· “Children who were born poor and raised by both married parents had an 80 percent chance of moving to the middle class or above; conversely, children who were born into the middle class and raised without a married dad were almost four times as likely to end up considerably poorer.”

· “A study of boys from similar backgrounds revealed that by the third grade, the boys whose fathers were present scored higher on every achievement test and received higher grades.”

· “71 percent of high school dropouts have minimal or no father involvement.”

· “Around 90 percent of runaway and homeless youths are from fatherless homes.”

· “Every 1 percent increase in fatherlessness in a neighborhood predicts a three-percent increase in adolescent violence.”

Farrell offered many partial solutions, from increasing recess time during school to recruiting more male teachers to educate people about the uniquely helpful aspects of dad-focused parenting.

But to solve this problem, we must first identify and agree that it’s indeed a problem and one worth marshaling our collective resources to solve.

Yet it doesn’t appear to be on anyone’s radar.

It doesn’t show up on the latest survey by the Public Affairs Research Council of Alabama detailing what issues are most important to our state’s citizens. Not to conservatives. Not to liberals. Not to men or women. Not even to those who the report highlights as “experts” in public policy.

I don’t recall it being a noticeable talking point during any recent political campaign either.

Yet on every one of the report’s lists, and in many recent campaigns, were issues that are symptoms of fatherlessness – poor education, crime, poverty, substance abuse. The correlations go on and on.

To be fair, there are many fathers performing admirably in Alabama. I see such examples every day. We should be thankful for them and use their work to build a foundation upon.

But we must face the fact that we’re not doing too well in this regard as a state, as a society.

And not until we confront this problem as a society – liberals and conservatives, through government and private-sector efforts – will we be able to reverse this trend.

J. Pepper Bryars is a senior fellow at the Alabama Policy Institute and host of the 1819 podcast. Follow him on Twitter at @jpepperbryars.

Programs aren’t bad. Many programs have benefited me throughout the years. For example, I was a Boy Scout for a short time as a kid. I liked the Scouts because it meant I could go on hikes and learn to do cool stuff like whittle a branch into a thinner branch. My favorite part was the Pinewood Derby. My dad and I built our little wooden car, and I raced it against another Scout. We didn’t spend much time on our car, and what it would take to compete so I lost pretty handily. Once at a Scout camp I got hit in the head with a baseball bat playing catcher in an impromptu baseball game. This ended my career as a baseball player and a Boy Scout. These are the memories I have about Boy Scouts: fond but not life-changing. I guess my direct response about the Boy Scout program is, “I grew out of it.”

And that’s the problem with programs: they stagnate, often lending themselves toward an endpoint. They tend to have a lack of clarity as well. Sure there is a vision and a strategy behind them, but because of their ongoing nature, they simply cannot convey laser-focused clarity. Programs also struggle to provide meaningful alignment. They serve as a cog in the whole process, but they often serve themselves rather than working along with everything else to provide a clear process that impacts the whole. This is true, especially in a church environment.

We have classes for adults, kids, teenagers, singles, senior adults, etc. and while we may use an aligned curriculum, we don’t see a lot of overlap of life on life interaction and growth. We have worship services for everyone, but we also offer worship services for specific age-groups. These programs typically do not connect when it comes to content, and thus families can show up at church together, receive radically different experiences, reconnect and head home. This disconnection is why we often see parents attending a church their kids like even if they don’t prefer it themselves. There was a time when families attended where the grandparents went to church. More often now, we see grandparents joining families where the grandkids are happiest.

While these generalizations don’t apply to every church, we can see how programming plays an integral role in the effectiveness of the church. And if programming is stagnant, unclear, and disconnected then we need a better process to effectively equip the Saints to do the work of the ministry. A pathway can provide the answer to all of these issues.

While programs are often stagnant, a pathway provides movement. While programs are often general and complex, a pathway provides clarity and simplicity. And while programs tend to create barriers to alignment, a pathway fuses everything together to help focus those we lead on what matters most.

Before I provide an example of a pathway, I do want to be clear: having a pathway does not mean getting rid of programming. Having a pathway simply means you will align programming to fit within the pathway. While a typical church will build around programs, building around a pathway helps us create alignment and effectiveness in all that we do. The pathway drives the programming decisions rather than the converse.

What is a pathway? At Replicate we have developed what we call a Discipleship Pathway. It is not rocket science, and it is not an end-all to the issues we face in church life. But it is a great tool to empower the staff and leadership to better equip the people to do the ministry. The Discipleship Pathway is based on the ministry of Jesus and looks basically like this: Congregation, Community, Core, Crowd. We know that Jesus ministered in these groups: He addressed the crowds occasionally, He has a congregation of 120/72 by the end of His earthly ministry, He had a community group of twelve (the disciples), and he had a small core group of three: Peter, James, and John. Connect that process with your current church and you will see that you already have some kind of missions ministry (crowd), you have weekly worship (congregation), you probably have a groups ministry of some kid be it Sunday school, home groups, etc (community), and finally discipleship groups of 3 to 5 people serve as the core.

By clarifying what each of these steps are for the believer, we help our people see where they are and where they need to be. Watch how the pathway drives these basic questions for all who attend:

• Are you worshipping God weekly gathering with fellow believers to hear the Word preached?
• Are you part of biblical community in a Life Group?
• Are you investing in others for accountability, spiritual growth, and multiplication in a discipleship group?
• Are serving and reaching others with the Gospel?

The pathway gives our people clarity. It provides alignment as every ministry of the church must work to be an onramp to the pathway, part of the pathway, or an offramp to serve and be missional. The pathway also provides movement for everyone who attends or visits the church. Are you attending worship weekly? Great your next step is biblical community in a Life Group – we can help you with that! Already attending weekly worship and part of biblical community? You’ve been called to make disciples, why don’t you launch a discipleship group to invest in others to grow and multiply! The pathway also allows us to say no to things that aren’t impacting the mission. Every program and church event must connect to the pathway, if it doesn’t, we don’t do it. It may be a great program. It may be a historical event. But if it doesn’t connect to the pathway, it distracts from our vision and detracts from the mission of the church.

Programs aren’t bad, but in and of themselves they tend to lack clarity, movement, and alignment. A pathway, on the other hand, provides precisely those three things. Allowing the pathway to drive process decisions means you will have a purpose and practical reason for every program you have. Since all that we do for the sake of the Gospel is vital and important, we must invest in what is most impactful.

This article was originally published at Replicate.org: https://replicate.org/pathway-vs-a-program/

MEASURING MASCULINITY THROUGH JESUS

Gillette, a household name for men’s personal grooming products, has entered the masculinity debate by airing a commercial which unfortunately equates the word masculine with male chauvinism including aggressive and sexist behavior toward women. Further, the American Psychological Association in their guidelines for treating men and boys suggest that “traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful.”  This means manliness can be harmful to themselves and others. Some refer to it as “toxic masculinity.” So, what is masculinity? It depends on who you ask. If you listen to the “leave-God-out-of-it” voices in our culture, the word masculinity is negative for the most part. Some of those negative stereotypes are chauvinism, a controlling attitude, anger, betrayal, abuse, abandonment, sarcasm, and self-centeredness. But if you define masculinity through the life of Jesus, the Perfect Man, it is healthy and positive. Jesus was the perfect Man physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, relationally, financially, vocationally and spiritually. Jesus clearly teaches that masculinity is not about appearance, position, popularity, or money.

As you look at Jesus, the perfect Man, through the eyes of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John; you see Him consistently demonstrating the balance between strength and servanthood, truth and grace, confidence and humility, toughness and kindness, righteous anger and radical love, firmness, and laughter. Jesus calls every man to be like Him and He empowers us through the Holy Spirit to live as He lived. Jesus Himself said: “I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you” (John 13:16).  Biblical masculinity involves focusing your life on Jesus Christ and seeking to live like He lived, spoke like He spoke, feel like He felt and possess a godly and joyful attitude. Christian men must measure masculinity through Jesus alone.

There is great confusion in our culture on the definition and description of masculinity. How is a man supposed to act? Masculinity, as seen through the life of Jesus is meek, strength under God’s control; gentle; always obedient to God; humble; possesses the attitude of a servant, and compliments others. Biblical masculinity is compassionate; bold; responsible; respectful of and protective of women; vulnerable and not afraid to shed a tear. The Jesus kind of masculinity is money wise; loving and kind to children; stands on God’s Word; stands up for what is right; finishes what was started; celebrate with people; keeps his promises; and demonstrates an attitude of gratitude. Biblical masculinity is truthful; forgiving; confidential, and waits on God’s timing. This kind of masculine spirit is driven by God’s mission; strives to be physically fit; expresses love to others; is honest about pain; works hard, and is committed to regular church attendance. A Jesus masculinity says “No” to temptation; admits a need for others; seeks to be a best friend; keeps his word; is there for people in need; values family meals; strives to be biblically correct, not politically correct; and passionately pursues purity.

When you measure masculinity through Jesus, Christianity becomes contagious to a man’s wife, children; family, friends and those who do not yet personally know Jesus. God wants you to measure your life not by comparing it to someone else’s, but by constantly looking to Jesus as our example. The more you look like Jesus, the more attractive you will be to your wife.

Gillette’s tagline for many years has been: “the best a man can get.” However, Gillette is around 2000 years late. Only Jesus, the Man of all Men can make you the best man you can be.

Written By: Pastor Jay Dennis

http://wingmannation.com

Recently, I was sitting next to a guy at a meeting when an older gentleman came up to say hello to the man I was talking to.

The older man joked about how old he was now, which was in his late 70s or 80s. Then he said something that really stood out to me. He proudly said, “You know there’s only one good thing about being this old. Only one! I’m closer than ever to being in heaven.”

Instead of thinking, “How sweet. Pawpaw is ready to go see Jesus,” my first thought was, “What a waste!” Because if he truly means what he said, and he was emphatic, he’s saying that he has nothing to give or offer here.

Understand this dude was getting around like a spry 60-year-old and was still sharp as a tack, as we say back home!

To make matters worse, he had been a pastor for many years. Yes, I know you can argue that at this age people are entitled to long to be with family who are already in heaven and to focus on eternity.

But I would argue that if we are given that many years to grow in the Lord, then it becomes more and more imperative that we invest all these many years of godly wisdom and experiences in the generations behind us.

I don’t know about you, but I love to hear stories from elderly saints who still continue to seek the Lord!

Towards the end of his life Paul had a little something to say about this in Philippians 1 (NIV):

21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith.

This is a life well spent! Selfishly he wanted to be in the unfiltered presence of God, but Paul knew that younger believers needed him to remain, being that solid spiritual pillar worthy of imitating. That’s kingdom focus. That’s what I want to be now and in every season that God allows me to walk into.

In my late 30s, when I first became aware that I was no longer a youth, the Lord brought Psalm 71 to my attention. He used this passage to help me stop focusing on the passing of my youth and to see aging as an opportunity to show God to even more people.

17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,

and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

18 Even when I am old and gray,

do not forsake me, my God,

till I declare your power to the next generation,

your mighty acts to all who are to come (NIV).

There’s another pastor who is currently in his 70s and is actively discipling, investing, teaching and influencing thousands of younger pastors.

He isn’t simply romanticizing the past or idly thinking about the future. He is affecting the future by declaring God’s power to the next generation. His example is one that pushes me!

You see, as a former student pastor, my mid-life crisis just about took the wind out of my sails. I really questioned if there was spiritual effectiveness after 40! (Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but at least I didn’t buy a red convertible to make me feel better.)

This is why the words of that first elderly pastor struck a chord with me. It sounded like he quit having a Kingdom-minded focus.

At one point I was prone to do the same. But God has called us to do more and to be more at all ages and stages of life for His Glory.

How has God displayed His power in your life? Who have you told about it? The next generation needs to know what God has done and continues to do. Let’s not waste the time that God is giving us.

I don’t know a single Christian parent that doesn’t harbor at least a little anxiety about the spiritual development of their children. Many of us have read the statistics over the last several years about how frequently kids drop out of church once they leave the home of their parents, and have wondered if there is anything we can do now as parents to help our kids own their faith.

Certainly, we would acknowledge (I hope) that this is ultimately a work of the Holy Spirit. That it’s only through the Spirit and not some clever program we can design as parents that kids persevere in the faith. And yet we also know that the Spirit uses regular moms and dads like us to have significant conversations and develop spiritual habits in our kids.

I was very interested, in light of that, to read the results of our recent LifeWay Research study on how kids really grow spiritually. The study analyzed 2,000 Protestant adults who finished their parenting journey with one or more kids now between 18-30. The study looked at faith characteristics of those kids now, all grown up, and looked at the parenting practices and habits of the children as they were growing up and identified the key influencers of spiritual health.

My friend and colleague Jana Magruder unpacks the research in her new book, “Nothing Less: Engaging Kids in a Lifetime of Faith.” You should read it and be influenced by it. I have. But in the meantime, let me give you a peek into some of those practices and habits that can help our kids own their own faith:

1. Help them read the Bible for themselves.

This one shouldn’t surprise us because the same thing that, statistically, is the most important practice for our own spiritual growth is the most important for our children – reading the Bible. There is no replacement for this. As parents, then, the absolute best thing we can do for our children is to help them read the Bible for themselves.

This can get a bit tricky, I’m finding, because as a parent you want to walk the line between encouraging this practice in your children and forcing it upon them. How do we do that? I think it’s through practices like reading the Bible with them, providing them with tools so they can read for themselves, and to actually let them see you doing this as a parent. I sense that if a kid sees that reading the Bible is not only normative, but necessary, for their mom and dad, that they will be more likely to pick up on the practice themselves.

2. Help them to serve in the church.

There is a distinction here. Attending church is important. Very important in fact. But even more than attendance, a child should have the opportunity to actually serve in the church growing up. Of course, there are limits here, and there should be. But every time we help our kids to pass out worship guides, or volunteer on a Saturday, or even pass the offering plate we are emphasizing to them that church is not just a place you attend and receive; church is something that you are where you give.

If kids can, right now, understand the participatory nature of being in the body of Christ, then they will begin to own their own faith by God’s grace.

3. Sing the truth together.

This element of the research surprised me. But the research says that the fourth biggest contributor to a child’s spiritual growth is whether or not they listen consistently to Christian music. I suppose, though, that this shouldn’t surprise me.

God has designed us this way. Singing, and music in general, connects with us at a level nothing else does. It lifts the eyes to heaven and the soul follows with it. Perhaps that’s why, throughout the history of Christianity, one of the greatest tools for teaching theology has been music. After all, one of the earliest Christian hymns is the great Christological passage of Philippians 2.

Kids need to listen to the truth, sing the truth, and see you as their parents singing right along with them.

Now if you do these things, and the others that Jana points out in her book, have you discovered the formula to absolutely, positively, guarantee that your children will own their faith?

No. You have not. This is not a formula like that. The best we can do as parents is to try and instill practices like these in faith, trusting that the Spirit of God will do what we cannot. And that the Spirit of God will make up for what we lack in our tainted intentions and sinful parenting hearts. That God, in His grace, would use even us to point our children to the gospel.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua (10), Andi (7), and Christian (5). He serves as Director of Groups Ministry for Lifeway Christian Resources. As a communicator, Michael speaks across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats and is the author of Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life. Find him on Twitter:@_MichaelKelley. Check out his latest book, Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus here.

Originally posted at blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen.

https://blog.lifeway.com/leadingmen/2018/09/12/3-ways-for-parents-to-help-their-kids-own-their-own-faith/

Just have to share with you all something that God has done in my life recently. A few years ago while at a former place of ministry, we experienced a series of changes.

That’s when something started changing in my heart, and it was such a slow, subtle fade that I hardly noticed. But I did notice my stress and anxiety mounting as the atmosphere in our office changed.

My heart slowly began to grow callous towards those responsible for the changes. My joy dwindled. It became very difficult for me to be “present” wherever I went. My mind always seemed to be elsewhere.

As I moved into a new ministry, I hoped that the change of scenery would rid me of all that stress and my joy would return.

Wrong.

Stress decreased, but I continued to feel “never present.” It was as if something was tying me to this former ministry.

Honestly, I thought maybe I was going crazy because these feelings were much worse than what I care to describe here. It was like a cloud of depression that engulfed everything.

Every time someone mentioned the former ministry, I noticed resentment would rise up but didn’t consider that to be such a big deal. Then I went to the beach a few months ago.

The beach has been for years the place I go to seek answers from the Lord. There’s just something about the wind, waves and grilled shrimp, right?

There’s a different question that I present to the Lord on these beach trips. This year I simply asked the Lord, “What’s wrong with me?!”

Loaded question, right?

Someone had given me a copy of Joël Malm’s book Fully You, which is like Christian counseling. I took this book with me to the beach.

Anyway, long story longer: In the book, he talks about forgiveness. He mentions the parable of the unmerciful servant and how he was thrown into jail for not forgiving even though he had been forgiven of much (Matt 18).

Jesus says that’s how God treats us when we don’t forgive others.

Y’all, I had to hit the hotel room floor.

For the first time in almost three years, I realized that I resented people for what they did in my former place of ministry.

This root of unforgiveness grew. I slowly built a prison for these people. and I was the one who lived in it — for almost three years!

After I honestly admitted this to God and forgave these folks, I was set free! It’s hard to describe. It was almost an immediate change!

The best way I can put it is that I was released from prison. My joy returned, the cloud lifted and now I’m present wherever I go! This is one lesson I’ll not soon forget.

Isaiah 26:3-4 was another key passage in this realization.

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal

I asked God, “What moved my mind? Why do I feel this way?” It all went back to the root of unforgiveness. It had taken my mind from being steadfast to questioning everything, unsure of almost anything. Never has unforgiveness been such a condemnable offense in my life.

Let me give you a quote from Joël’s book that described my situation: “When we don’t release hurt, it turns into resentment. In both Spanish and French, the word sentir means to feel. When we resent something, we feel that emotion over and over. We relive the event. And resentment can have dire consequences, not only in our souls but in our bodies.”

That was me! I kept repeating conversations and reliving the pain. But not anymore.

I hope you are joy-filled and loving life in the Lord. If you’re not, then search your heart. See if there’s any bitterness or resentment lingering because the Master has forgiven you of so much more than any offense that someone else may have committed against you. Forgive and experience God’s freedom!

-Larry Hyche

Joël Malm will be teaching these Biblical principles on Oct 18th at the SBOM Office Facility in Prattville. For more information or to register, visit ALSBOM.org/whatif. If you’re interested in more information about the book Fully You and to download the first two chapters for free, check it out at http://www.joelmalm.com/fully-you/

I made a new friend recently. His name is John. John is a CPA in Birmingham and also serves on a board for someone we were considering for a men’s conference. John and I met for dinner and immediately I felt as if I had known him for years.

John said something I believe to be prophetic. His words spoke deep to my heart even though they don’t yet apply to me.  Maybe they spoke to me to pass along. Maybe they spoke to me to help me prepare for what is to come. I don’t know, but something about his words stirred my heart.

I am still in my mid-40s, although I’m on the downhill slide toward 50. I find myself thinking a lot about the next phase of life. Life without kids in the house. Life when I am not daddy to children, but to adults.  Life, when I don’t feel like every dollar is earmarked. I know my kids will always need me but I also know things are about to be different.

We know the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Just like a pickpocket stripping us of our wallet, the enemy steals from us and often we don’t even realize what was stolen until it is already gone. As John and I spoke I saw something of value that maybe has been stolen by the enemy.

I believe the lost prize, is the latter years of our lives. John was in his early 60s. But it seems that John’s dreams have not faded since his kids left home. We spoke of his plans for his life. He brought to my attention the characters in the Bible that did not find their true path until the last third of their life.  Hero’s like Abraham, Moses, even Paul did not find and live out their true calling until they were already ‘long in the tooth.’  Just like these heroes of the faith, as John’s age increases he also wants his influence and impact to increase.

This is very counter to our culture. We look at the last part of life as a time to slow down. A time to sit back as those younger step up.  Seems like the older I get the more I want to pursue comfort. I don’t think anyone would describe Paul’s later years as ones of comfort, but they did have a purpose. I know many older men that seem to have lost their mission. They lose their sense of calling and purpose.

When a man loses purpose something is lost deep within him. Instead of seeing the Old Sages we see Old Curmudgeons.  Instead of Wisdom, we see Grouchiness. The enemy robs us of life.

Maybe as we age we should focus on falling in love with Jesus and people like never before.

Maybe we should open ourselves to new things instead of placing too much value on old things.

Maybe it’s time to finally forgive the unforgivable and love the unloveable

Maybe instead of seeking comfort, we should seek service.

Maybe instead of seeking a position, we should seek influence.

Maybe this should be a time of sowing so others can reap.

Maybe it’s time to dig wells from which we’ll never drink.

The greatest hindrance to living outward is focusing inward.

Not long ago, I sat in a restaurant with my friend, Greg, as we caught up on all the happenings in our families. I have known Greg for many years, stretching all the way back to when he was a student in high school. I know his parents well, and both are wonderful, godly people. Greg and his family are active in our church and fully engaged in ministry. They have a pioneer spirit and love Jesus with all their hearts.

As we talked, the conversation turned to living on mission with Jesus. After a moment of silence, Greg confessed, “The thing that keeps me from sharing my faith more is that I’m selfish. It’s not that I don’t know what to say — honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to get into a conversation.”

My friend’s brutal honesty shines a spotlight on the reason most of us do not have more spiritual conversations. It’s not that there is a lack of people who need Christ. It’s not that the Gospel has somehow been drained of its power. It’s not that the Spirit is no longer prompting believers to speak about Jesus. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that often we just don’t want to reach out. It is easier to stay to ourselves, focus on our lives and our responsibilities, and cocoon in our world.

We live in a culture that is becoming increasingly isolated. We get up early and go to the gym with our ear buds in so we don’t have to speak to anyone. We stop for gas at the local convenience store and pay at the pump. We grab something to drink at the grocery store and choose the self-checkout line. We venture to work and head straight to our spot. Throughout the day, we post, text, chat and tweet. We “like” and “share” the things we see on social media, but we seldom have personal conversations with anyone. After work, we head home, driving alone in our car as we listen to our favorite tunes, and then pull into our garage so we won’t have to make eye contact with our neighbors. Even at home, families sit in separate rooms watching TV, playing video games or scrolling through media — but rarely talking. Then we hit the sack (while our smart phones recharge until morning), so we can be ready to do it all over again.

You may think I’m exaggerating, but honestly think about this. When was the last time you went out of your way to start a conversation with someone you didn’t know? Chances are good it’s been a long time.

While our culture has all the technological possibilities of connection, we are more disconnected than ever before. That reality is both a dismal admission and an incredible opportunity. It’s dismal in that God created each one of us to live in community, and it is not good for us to be and live in isolation. It is an opportunity because all around us are people desperately looking for true friendships and longing for true connection.

Now more than ever before, people are open to those who will reach out and care about them with genuine love and concern. The question is not, “Are people open and searching?” The question is, “Are you willing to reach out?” Remember, God has called you to go on mission with Jesus. He has placed you right where you are — in your office, school and neighborhood — so you can shine His light to the people around you (Matthew 5.14 ESV). You are strategically placed to be a difference maker.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you are willing to make a difference?
• Are you willing to linger at the school and strike up a conversation with other parents?
• Are you willing to go deeper than surface talk with your neighbor?
• Are you willing to stop and pray for that client who is struggling through a divorce?
• Are you willing to take that friend to lunch and care about his or her needs?
• Are you willing to intentionally pray that God would draw your lost friend to Christ?
• Are you willing to carve out time in your schedule to make a list of people you care about who are far from God, and ask God to help you reach out to them?
• Are you willing to put yourself to the side so God can use you to reach someone with the Gospel?

Written by Craig Etheredge This blog is an excerpt that comes from our book Reach Your World, which you can purchase here.

The phrase make disciples, not converts is popping up around the world in magazines, blogs, books, and academic journals as if it’s a great revelation even though Jesus clearly commanded us to make disciples.¹ So what’s all the fuss? Is there a substantial difference between a convert and a disciple? It has been said that converts are just new believers. … they aren’t bad or wrong. They are like babies and there’s nothing wrong with being a baby. 

This statement is true – The problem is when a convert—a baby Christian—never grows up to be a disciple—an adult Christian.

As Christians, we seem to miss part of Matthew 28:18-20. We go and make converts, we may even baptize them, but then we don’t teach them to obey Jesus. We don’t continue on in relationship with our baby Christians, raising them up to adulthood.³

“Just as babies need parent figures to actively, intentionally prepare them throughout childhood for adult maturity and responsibility, so also God has placed us in a spiritual family for parallel purposes. In both our physical and spiritual families, God intends family members to engage in open, two-way, give-and-take relationships.”⁴

The discipleship we’re called to, as Jesus modeled, is “intentional, relational, and transparent. Yes, discipleship involves teaching. But it’s much more. It’s about you inviting (or being invited) to share your life. It means you teaching someone what Scripture says about loving his or her spouse, then inviting the person into your home to show them what it looks like.”⁵

A pervasive lack of intentional disciple-making creates a church full of people who have “heard and accepted the message of Jesus saves, but somehow missed that Jesus has something to say about how we live every day.”⁶

They completely miss the goal of discipleship: “to produce accurate copies of Jesus. We must be making the kind of disciples that Jesus Himself produced.”⁷

And we can’t just lecture our converts into disciples. Just like the physical process of growing up, growing up spiritually takes time, effort, and relationship. I’m not an adult just because I know how to tie my shoes or because I can make mac ‘n cheese without burning down my house or because I follow the law while I’m driving. In the same way, “many Christians think they’re spiritually mature because they know Bible stories and facts or understand correct doctrine. Some Christians even think they are mature because they follow rules or have the ability to teach. But if a person can’t resolve issues to learn to work together in unity with other believers, or if he’s not known for great love for others, then the Bible is clear that the person isn’t truly spiritually mature.”⁸

One key difference between physical and spiritual maturity, however, is the fact that we never really “arrive” at complete spiritual maturity. “Maturity does not mean that we have no more to learn, or that somehow we are complete and have no need of continual relationship and growth in our lives—that never ends. …

However, there comes a time when we are able to invest in others. Even if we are only one step ahead of a person, we can still lead them as we progress.”⁹

Catch that? Each of us has the ability to make disciples even as we are still growing up ourselves!

¹Matthew 28:18-20
³1 Corinthians 13:11
⁴Powell, Frank. “Make Disciples, Not Converts: What Christians Get Wrong About Discipleship,” Frank Powell: Restoring Culture Through Christ, Accessed March 16, 2018. http://frankpowell.me/disciples-converts-christians-wrong.
⁵Putman, Jim. The Power of Together. Grand Rapids, MI: BakerBooks, 2016, 9.
⁶Putman, Jim. Power of Together, 21.
⁷Putman, Jim. Power of Together, 52.
⁸Putman, Jim. Power of Together, 48-49.
⁹Putman, Jim. The Power of Together Workbook. Grand Rapids, MI: BakerBooks, 2017), 13.